Happy Days!

If only - but I’m feeling better and haven’t “jumped the shark” - this will probably the last negative post I write, feel things are back on track, nothing has changed just realise I need to enjoy things a lot more and feel better about myself and not take things to seriously and have a little fun once in a while, it’s not enough to just go out - how often that might be or not!

I’ve really changed the way I think about things in a way I did’t realise until recently - I didn’t like being the way I was and even though I’m basically the same now I do feel more positive and try to see the good in things and not lets things get me down, that’s really the best way I can move on and get over myself - I think the biggest hurdle to overcome is my own attitude to things and that’s something I can change, there are a few things I’ve done like write posts like this and also I’ve done other things as well to make me feel better like talking to more people, meeting new people and getting back in touch with people which have all added up to make me feel less alone which is nice!

I’ve got a long way to go but like the anticipation of something good happening and when it does like a breakthrough at work or just getting out I really like it and when I don’t go out I don’t mind so much and if I do feel down I can just think about the times when I have felt good - I tried to supress the times I felt really happy as they also made me feel sad that I wasn’t like that anymore but now I look forward to being like that again and I’m ready to go for an opportunity whenever it comes and make sure it is what it is and not mess things up like I have done recently, the best chance to take is the more certain ones - and I can get to the point where I will be more happy!

Left out in the cold?

I posted something on Facebook about me feeling left out, which isn’t entirely true, just feel that way from time-to-time and not sure why that is the case. I’ve always been an outsider in any situation but once I get speaking to people or whatever I feel involved and don’t feel that way. I’ve always been that way I think and it really wasn’t an issue until now, as I’ve come through a lot of things and this has become a problem even though it wasn’t one before.

I’ve liked posting what is going on on Twitter and Facebook and glad of the replies to things I do say, but I’m going to a lot more things now and also with new work and new people I’m starting to feel that I’m not really where I should be - not with work but in my life generally, I’m a lot more positive now and just want to be included a lot more but finding this is a difficult hurdle or overcome as I’ve been this way for a long time, but only now has it become an issue I do want to overcome.

I can’t change everything I would like to about what has happened in the past and how that makes me as a person now, but I just want to change enough so I feel better about myself, I’m probably not being patient enough even though I know that things will take time and nothing will happen in the near future - I’d still like it to anyway, but I know that’s not realistic, I do feel a lot better now and feel like I did a few months ago but still with the new confidence and drive to change, just need a direction and a purpose and I’ll get back on track I think.

I’ve set myself some goals to achieve, some of which I know I won’t hit - but the only way I can really make a change is to have something to aim for and even if it isn’t possible to give it a try anyway - I’ve also learned not to overthink things but I still do it anyway but at least I know I’m doing it and things will get better for me and I don’t feel left out in the cold.

Events I go to and ones I should go to

Being a rather often event attendee it’s probably a good idea to keep a track of the ones I’ve attended or attend on a regular basis. The last Monday of the month is SuperMondays which covers topics from Databases, to Open Source to Design, Freelancing or featured pitches from companies and startups like the company I work for now. NEBytes which is the second Wednesday of the month (or more often sometimes) and is IT Pro / Developer oriented with a talk about either but sometimes both and has featured Windows 8, Windows Phone (including a talk from myself!), Sharepoint and Virtualisation.

I’ve also joined Codeworks and been to a couple of events already including The PUD, and Pitching to Tech Startups but haven’t been to their Think and Drink events yet which I’m looking forward to catching up with some of the people I’ve spoken too - although I’m a little apprehensive about it. I also have attended DataRama - which is every two months but have only been to a couple so far but really enjoyed them and also joined DesignInterests and have been to a few of their events already.

I don’t just attend the regular events I’m there for the one-off ones or less often ones like DIBI which has the chance to stay over in The Sage overnight - which I haven’t decided yet to do that - could be a bit odd! Plus there are other things I’ve attended about startups and things related to that. I’ve also been to BarCamp NorthEast a couple of times and always look forward to the next one, and also any special events that come up such as today’s Science of Innovation - which sounds really interesting!

I’m always looking for more things to go to - I know people who go to many more events than I but I take a wide interest, tend to avoid the developer events as many don’t focus on what I’m doing but will attend if the topic interests me - don’t have a preference for relevance really as tend to find there is something always useful I can get such as the DesignInterests event had a talk about using available light which came in very handy when I did the Newcastle Photowalk a couple of weeks back, so you never know when something might come in handy!

If you know of any events I should attend either in the North East or around the country even - have attended Windows Phone events in Manchester, London and Edinburgh and other things besides, then let me know on Twitter or Facebook I might find a new interest or meet more people - and I don’t mind that at all!