RoguePlanetoid

End of a tough month!

Tue, 31 Jan 2012 07:25:52 -0500

This month has had it’s downs and ups, well mostly just downs but done some great things like go on the Photowalks which I’ve really enjoyed and met a few new people and also gone out a few times, but it has also been the end of a few things for me and hitting my lowest point at the start of the month wasn’t a good way to start a new year, although my confidence is at an all time high and feel more outgoing and less shy than I’ve ever been but confidence in myself and my own abilities is really low, I’m more positive about things but a lot’s happened recently and it still affects me in different ways, then other things happen to compound it which make it difficult to cope.

I remember though that I need to focus on the positive but that seems a lot harder that it seems then when something really good does happen and I enjoy myself there’s always a message or something waiting for me at the end of it to ruin it, I see everyone else around me happy and this was initially not a problem but now I’m wishing I could feel the same way about anything - I’m not as low as I was but still seem a moment away from getting upset about stuff, and that’s not a good look!

This week has been really hard with deadlines to hit and a lot of work to get through but when every positive I have seems to have a larger negative to counter it, it’s like I’m not making any progress at all, even writing this is difficult for me. I’ve gone through the past ten years or so not really feeling anything for anyone now I have so many friends, colleagues that I never had before I feel even more alone but getting out has really helped - but when I get a set back it really hits hard, don’t feel depressed just feel lost and don’t really know where I fit it and feel like I shouldn’t be where I am and that I don’t deserve what I do have.

I think I kept everything bottled up for the past ten years it’s all hit me at once, that was overwhelming and in the past few months that’s meant feelling really good, bad and others - and found the positive feelings the most difficult to deal with and when I do feel really positive about something, something happens which negates that and when I enjoy myself again I’m slipping back into supressing things because I don’t want to feel anything as I don’t know how to cope properly - but I want to make a real difference and cheer myself up but it’s really hard when you only care about others and can’t care about yourself or anything you do - which is what I tend to feel most of the time.

Happy Days!

Thu, 26 Jan 2012 08:11:15 -0500

If only - but I’m feeling better and haven’t “jumped the shark” - this will probably the last negative post I write, feel things are back on track, nothing has changed just realise I need to enjoy things a lot more and feel better about myself and not take things to seriously and have a little fun once in a while, it’s not enough to just go out - how often that might be or not!

I’ve really changed the way I think about things in a way I did’t realise until recently - I didn’t like being the way I was and even though I’m basically the same now I do feel more positive and try to see the good in things and not lets things get me down, that’s really the best way I can move on and get over myself - I think the biggest hurdle to overcome is my own attitude to things and that’s something I can change, there are a few things I’ve done like write posts like this and also I’ve done other things as well to make me feel better like talking to more people, meeting new people and getting back in touch with people which have all added up to make me feel less alone which is nice!

I’ve got a long way to go but like the anticipation of something good happening and when it does like a breakthrough at work or just getting out I really like it and when I don’t go out I don’t mind so much and if I do feel down I can just think about the times when I have felt good - I tried to supress the times I felt really happy as they also made me feel sad that I wasn’t like that anymore but now I look forward to being like that again and I’m ready to go for an opportunity whenever it comes and make sure it is what it is and not mess things up like I have done recently, the best chance to take is the more certain ones - and I can get to the point where I will be more happy!

Left out in the cold?

Wed, 25 Jan 2012 07:14:40 -0500

I posted something on Facebook about me feeling left out, which isn’t entirely true, just feel that way from time-to-time and not sure why that is the case. I’ve always been an outsider in any situation but once I get speaking to people or whatever I feel involved and don’t feel that way. I’ve always been that way I think and it really wasn’t an issue until now, as I’ve come through a lot of things and this has become a problem even though it wasn’t one before.

I’ve liked posting what is going on on Twitter and Facebook and glad of the replies to things I do say, but I’m going to a lot more things now and also with new work and new people I’m starting to feel that I’m not really where I should be - not with work but in my life generally, I’m a lot more positive now and just want to be included a lot more but finding this is a difficult hurdle or overcome as I’ve been this way for a long time, but only now has it become an issue I do want to overcome.

I can’t change everything I would like to about what has happened in the past and how that makes me as a person now, but I just want to change enough so I feel better about myself, I’m probably not being patient enough even though I know that things will take time and nothing will happen in the near future - I’d still like it to anyway, but I know that’s not realistic, I do feel a lot better now and feel like I did a few months ago but still with the new confidence and drive to change, just need a direction and a purpose and I’ll get back on track I think.

I’ve set myself some goals to achieve, some of which I know I won’t hit - but the only way I can really make a change is to have something to aim for and even if it isn’t possible to give it a try anyway - I’ve also learned not to overthink things but I still do it anyway but at least I know I’m doing it and things will get better for me and I don’t feel left out in the cold.

Events I go to and ones I should go to

Tue, 24 Jan 2012 07:45:43 -0500

Being a rather often event attendee it’s probably a good idea to keep a track of the ones I’ve attended or attend on a regular basis. The last Monday of the month is SuperMondays which covers topics from Databases, to Open Source to Design, Freelancing or featured pitches from companies and startups like the company I work for now. NEBytes which is the second Wednesday of the month (or more often sometimes) and is IT Pro / Developer oriented with a talk about either but sometimes both and has featured Windows 8, Windows Phone (including a talk from myself!), Sharepoint and Virtualisation.

I’ve also joined Codeworks and been to a couple of events already including The PUD, and Pitching to Tech Startups but haven’t been to their Think and Drink events yet which I’m looking forward to catching up with some of the people I’ve spoken too - although I’m a little apprehensive about it. I also have attended DataRama - which is every two months but have only been to a couple so far but really enjoyed them and also joined DesignInterests and have been to a few of their events already.

I don’t just attend the regular events I’m there for the one-off ones or less often ones like DIBI which has the chance to stay over in The Sage overnight - which I haven’t decided yet to do that - could be a bit odd! Plus there are other things I’ve attended about startups and things related to that. I’ve also been to BarCamp NorthEast a couple of times and always look forward to the next one, and also any special events that come up such as today’s Science of Innovation - which sounds really interesting!

I’m always looking for more things to go to - I know people who go to many more events than I but I take a wide interest, tend to avoid the developer events as many don’t focus on what I’m doing but will attend if the topic interests me - don’t have a preference for relevance really as tend to find there is something always useful I can get such as the DesignInterests event had a talk about using available light which came in very handy when I did the Newcastle Photowalk a couple of weeks back, so you never know when something might come in handy!

If you know of any events I should attend either in the North East or around the country even - have attended Windows Phone events in Manchester, London and Edinburgh and other things besides, then let me know on Twitter or Facebook I might find a new interest or meet more people - and I don’t mind that at all!

Wedding Tales

Mon, 23 Jan 2012 14:23:52 -0500

Not the excellent website http://weddingtales.co.uk/ where you can share and collate photos of your wedding (which is a great idea by the way), but the topic in general, a lot of people I know are either married, getting married, engaged or in a long term relationship or somewhere inbetween - and that’s great! I think people might be suprised to hear that I don’t mind hearing about this sort of thing - not all the time of course but I find I’m interested in what people are up to and just because it’s about wedding stuff doesn’t mean I’m any less so interested or I have to be “protected”.

In years gone by I wouldn’t really have had the chance to know anyone in this situation but with new people and new work comes more of this, in fact a lot more - if it really bothered me I’d have been driven daft by now! But I find I am interested - maybe because I’ve reached that age where you start caring about what other people are doing and I’m not as self-centred as I used to be. I think people get the wrong impression about what I think about all this and it’s time to set the record straight!

I don’t mind talk of engagements, weddings or anything relationshipwise at all when it comes up - what I don’t like is people trying to avoid it because they think I’m going to be bothered by it - I’m bothered by that thought. I do admit that sometimes I feel a little down when people talk about things like this - but my interest and seeing other people being happy is more important. I don’t want people to avoid expressing themselves, I don’t think this is happening with people I know but the odd thought about this probably has come up.

I know I’ve been single a long time and although it has come up recently again that I’m not really enjoying that so much it’s my reality and has been so for a very long time - I’ve been single longer than I’ve been in a couple by a long way, and remember how happy I was and don’t want to deny others that, even if I don’t have that myself I do appreciate that others do and don’t want to seem even more excluded from others as some form of protection.

I’ve found I’ve been quite happy to hear about people getting engaged or having children or just being in a relationship and see the changes it’s made in their life, it used to bother me when I didn’t think about it much for myself, but now I do - it doesn’t bother me, which is probably the wrong way round. I know I probably have made the position I’m in for myself and can’t really change that overnight - but what I do have is an appreciation for those around me and find that’s more important is to be surrounded by people I enjoy being with and know that they need not worry if they say something that will make me feel excluded if they mention a wife, partner or girlfriend - that isn’t the case, but of course I love to be the one talking about my relationships etc. if it came up - but there’s nothing to talk about, but if there is - that’s something I can share with the people I know, and if not I know they’ll be there and that’s what’s really important.

Lots of work to do!

Sun, 22 Jan 2012 10:27:28 -0500

Got a lot of work to do, which means time for other things is diminished, would like to work on my Windows Phone website however this will have to wait for a couple of weeks, the benefit is I’ll be able to launch with more content when it does - which is good as well as spend more time on getting the design quite right, so will be worth the extra time spent.

I’m finding I’m starting to get stuck into work now, and can be “in the zone” again, which is something I’ve found this really hard to do in the past few weeks but really find I’m pretty Ok right now which is good - there’s still a couple of things I’ll have to deal with as they come up in the next few weeks but I’ll get to the point where I don’t think about too many things too much, and especially overthinking things too - am trying to avoid that.

It’s probably been the worst and best of times the past few months, however I’ve found myself in a position now where I’m more confident than I’ve ever been, more outgoing, more conversational (less about Windows Phone) and have probably gained more than I ever thought - if I’d just been like this all along things wouldn’t have been so bad and wouldn’t have made so many mistakes, but what I can do is apply myself and keep motivated and not be unrealistic about things.

I have lots of work to do and have lacked that motivation that I used to have but it’s coming back without losing what I’ve gained but I do still feel down from time to time, but not as much as I did before and usually about specific things and then I don’t obsess about them - there are so many things I’ve missed out on and now I’m in a position to change things for the better, by just being realistic and positive and just being a better person is what I can do and not let things go too far in the wrong direction.

Not everyone knows all the things that have happened to me in the past, they aren’t really bad in the grand scheme of things but these things have made me the person I am today and I can only work with what I am and can’t expect anything to change overnight - except my willingness to change has changed, excuse the pun. I know the only person that can make anything happen is me, and so far it’s working well as I’m getting more focused and doing new things - some support from others is there and I know I can count on that which even if it isn’t given is a great thing to know that it’s there.

I’ve made one big change so far in work, and have changed to some extent my social life - by actually having one, and know I don’t have to even do much more than I was doing to enjoy myself - I’d supressed my feelings and emotions so long I’d forgotten how to feel most of them - the positive ones and the negative ones - but now I let them out I feel much better for doing so and don’t feel too much more like an outsider - even though I still remain a little on the edge of most situations and don’t really get involved.

Finding the right balance

Sat, 21 Jan 2012 10:07:38 -0500

As I’m I near the month where are the start I hit my lowest point I think ever, I’m more positive and find I’m still wanting to do something more but not over do things, for example this week I haven’t gone out really at all, except to NEBytes on Wednesday but went home straight afterwards so a kind-of back to normal week for me, but still miss the chance to go out at least once, which is why I’m going out tonight but again alone it seems - I don’t really like that, formal events are still my thing but I cannot stop the compulsion to at least do something socially at least once.

Wish I’d been this way when I was younger - most of the people I know are in their mid-twenties, when I was that age I didn’t even go out to events at all, just went out a couple of times a year, if that. I’m not like that now, but I’m older now and sometimes feel that things have passed me by, but the main thing is to find the right balance - I’m trying new things, going to new places and meeting new people like I want - but I still like to find new things to do and when I’m going out along I still find it tough to go up to people and talk to them, not really sure what to do, although if someone talks to me first I find that very easy, whereas a few years ago I wouldn’t even do that.

I find I used to like being on my own and not really do much at all, just stay in - now I find I don’t like doing that now, I can still stay in if I’ve been out somewhere but I really miss being with other people, even friends - I don’t know why I let that happen, I’ve lost so much time and things I’ve enjoyed doing recently I’ve managed to mess that up too, so feel I’ve regained a lot of what I’ve lost, but still feel like I’m outside looking in, but when I’m involved in a group or something like that I don’t feel that way at all - it’s just getting over that initial hurdle that is still a challenge for me.

The last few months have been interesting and a challenge, but even before then I was starting to change the way I act and now I don’t think the same way about things at all, I’d have avoided any kind of social situation now I look forward to them and are even dissapointed when they don’t happen - but still find it ok not going out too often, as long as when I do go out, it isn’t to be alone, even in a crowd.

Doing something or going to something new?

Fri, 20 Jan 2012 08:21:01 -0500

I’ve been trying to find new things to go to, some I’ve enjoyed doing recently including the Newcastle Photowalk and just getting out at the weekend (sometimes) however I’m really interested to see if there is anything else I could be doing, I’ve asked for suggestions before but I haven’t really asked explicitly for a while so this is me doing so.

Are there events in the North East I’m not attending that I might be interested in - or even ones people think I might not be interested in, I’m looking for new things so this might be ideal - also new places to go as well, just need some compulsion to get out if not too often at least get to go to new things - but I’ve signed up for all the events I’m aware of but still like to find that new thing to go to, but find if I do things alone this tends not to be much fun otherwise I think I’m better going out in a group.

Even if it is just going out generally, doesn’t even need to be an event it can be just a drink or a chat or anything really - once I’m out with people I tend to like it more than I used to, I’m glad there’s drinks after work, including hopefully today as that is something I can look forward to but would like to make Saturday a regular day to go out - just feel odd going out on my own, but don’t really think I can ask anyone to go somewhere with, don’t know if anyone would want to!

If I can’t even do this, then my Two Month challenge doesn’t look realistic at all but even just getting out socialising in the next two months will be good enough, it’s more than I’ve done in years - even though I have been out more recently it has still be an event, although a random invite to something on Facebook I’d go to - don’t have an issue what ever I’m doing, as long it is something and I’m not on my own!

What am I up to?

Thu, 19 Jan 2012 07:10:25 -0500

Well there’s a few things I’ve been wanting to do for a long time so I joined the Newcastle Photo Walk this week and really enjoyed it, I’ve also been writing articles for my blog and will be for work too which is great, but there’s other things to do also, I’m still attending all the regular events I go to but more social events would be nice.

I’d signed up for CitySocialising which I’d heard about and seems to be a good one but not heard many people talk about it - which means no one I know has heard of them which either means there’s a lot of new people to meet at their events or they aren’t well attended - I’ll guess I’ll find out which one of these it is.

I’m also up for suggestions for things to do - I’ve lived in the North East all my life but there’s still plenty of things I’ve not done or places I’ve never been, even on Saturday I went to a pub on the quayside I’d never been to before so I’ve not even done all of them (but probably most of them).

I find I don’t need to go out all the time but would prefer to go out a little more often and also the chance to meet people is something I used to avoid before as I didn’t enjoy it before but now I really like getting to talk to new people and find out what they are doing, I also take more of an interest in what other people are doing more than I did before, so i do care about people more than I realised!

So what am I up to - what ever it might be, attending a regular event, going out somewhere new or just being at home and catching up with some reading, but certainly don’t like spending much time alone as I used to - I find I don’t like that at all - is boring!

I am doing enough?

Tue, 17 Jan 2012 07:48:00 -0500

I’d like to think I’ve changed a lot recently - I’m more willing to try new things, a bit more outgoing, confident and have a sense of humour that I’m more willing to let out to people I don’t know that well and finding it better the gauge the tone that a situation requires - but is this enough?

I’m surrounded by a lot of people my age or younger who seem to have enough for them - but I’ve missed out a lot in the past few years and have let things as they had been go on for far longer than I should have, people my age are getting married, having kids or happy as they are - which I was in the latter but feel like I’ve really missed out on the former and the past few months have taught me that I don’t know everything and have made long and short term mistakes that have cost me in ways I hadn’t realised.

I suppose like an advert on TV says that being single is great and you choose to give it up is a good way of looking at it - I’d chosen either directly or indirectly to be as I was but I never really enjoyed it, except going out for events and being with other people I’d not realised how much I’d missed that in my life - I tried to over compensate then when something went wrong I didn’t deal with it properly and made things a lot worse because I thought I had no one to confide in.

However friends I do have and didn’t realise, some from years ago and those more recent I’d met at events plus work colleagues were always there and were there for me when I needed it - I just didn’t realise, this is something I’d really only had recently, so getting out more did help but was probably doing it too much.

However I’ve not always been single, this might have been the case if I’d made a couple of choices earlier or later but it did happen to me but over a decade now - which makes me realise how much time has passed me by I think - sometimes don’t feel the age I am until I find I can’t get out all the time! Although that didn’t last it was one of the best times of my life.

Seeing others together with people doesn’t hurt me at all, I’m happy for them - my only wish is to be as happy as them, I’m interested in what’s going on with them as I find like everyone it’s good to talk about things, not just the negative but the positive even if they highlight the position I’m in - it isn’t really a problem for me as much as I thought it would be.

However back to the question I am doing enough? I’m not sure really I’m doing a lot more than I have and found it is never too late to try something new and maybe that’s the biggest change of all I’ve made - I’m doing things I’ve never done - met people I never would have otherwise and just enjoy myself and see what happens.

Photowalk

Mon, 16 Jan 2012 07:54:44 -0500

On Saturday I particpated in my first Photowalk in Newcastle with the Newcastle Photowalk Group - and I really enjoyed it, some of started by meeting up in the Settle Down Cafe and then made our way towards the Quayside, but stopped of at a few places including St Nicholas’ Catherdral and the Black Gate to take some photos there, but walking along the quayside produced the best pictures I took, including the one at the top of this article which was my favourite overall.

It was a great experience getting to know people and take pictures even if it is a compact camera like the one I was using, you don’t need expensive kit to take a nice picture but it does help, I’d taken pictures at things before but had forgotton how much I’d enjoyed doing it and was glad of the chance to do it again and was a great way to spend a few hours even if it was a little cold it was well worth braving the cold for good conversation, photography and more.

I look forward to the next event, the previous one was just a social event but was a great way to meet some of the people but is a great group to be with and everyone brings something different - not just cameras but their other interests so it’s not just all about cameras anyone can join in - and that’s a good indication of a great group and I wouldn’t have got the picture I did without it, which is now my Facebook Timeline Cover picture.

Link: My Newcastle Photo Walk Flickr Set

DataRama 16

Sun, 15 Jan 2012 10:18:00 -0500

DataRama returned for 2012, the open platform to show projects and work with some great innovations in interactive art and design being discussed and demonstrated with some talks from some artists and also where anyone attending can show anything they think might be interesting to those in attendance.

Lalya Gaye was first to speak about their interest in technology, what you can do with it – they originally wanted to be a sound engineer to create interesting sounds but not use computers but instead electronics to produce audio such as putting contact microphones on tap dancing shoes and recording what they got, they also 10 years ago did Sonic City which allows the urban space to played as a musical instrument, and put sounds in urban environments in another project where small boxes whispered sounds that had to be listened to closely to be heard. They’ve also done installations where they suspended dozens of cups filled with fluorescent dyes lit with UV lamps to allow them to glow. They also spoke about projects they’ve been involved in such as Mobile Music Workshops, and Culture Lab – and a major project to create an open sourced synthesizer for less than £10 working with a company called Sonodrome.

Jöelle Bitten was next up who studied geopolitics, the history of techniques and interactive art spoke about their design creating work using audio loops, they created an experience where you here sounds and have to find your way out by finding the different sounds. One of their projects was to record the minute of sound up to the taking of a photograph and the minute afterwards and to show this in a video where the picture slowly zooms into view until it is fully visible at the time the photograph was taken, they are developing a phone application so that the audio and the photo can be captured at the same time, they’ve also created experiences allowing people to use their body to interact with images to reveal a scene.

Lalya and Jöelle then both spoke about their installation in the Tyneside Cinema itself which is on the staircase which when certain steps are stepped on it plays a random sound sample from movies. They chose from three public domain movies: Girl Friday, Plan 9 from Outer Space and Freakster and selected the dialog they wanted to use from that to create the 192 samples needed. The triggers are aluminium foil with an insulating sandwich of perforated paper so when stepped on it would be the signal to trigger a sample. They used Interface-Z to convert the analogue inputs from the steps to a midi signal to a laptop and pd program to then select the sound which would be played from the nearest speaker and the step that made the sound would light up, the USB interface was custom made for them by a French company and the installation has resulting in a lot of running up and down the stairs and the installation runs until the 19^th of January.

Lewis Baker then spoke about his recent project to create an audio effects unit they can use on their phone to control a MIDI interface, they want to people to connect their phone via this unit into a rack mount unit. They are building a box to connect their Android phone to a MIDI interface and using a breakout board to send the MIDI signals to any MIDI device and they’ve built an app to send note-on/note-off signals and could hook up the accelerometer the control reverb to for example attach to a guitar so when it is lifted up this would change the reverb of what was being played, they want to have non-techies be able to build their own interfaces, the box they have is an IOIO board and used the library provided, they just need to improve the latency but have made a good start on what could be a very interesting project

Design Interest

Sun, 15 Jan 2012 09:40:00 -0500

A new year and a new Design Interest group meet up featuring local designers, photographers, comic enthusiasts and others to share their passion and interest in design.

Celebrating Children’s Creativity by Rose Mockford from MyDesignMade.com

Rose Mockford presented about their business MyDesignMade.com which produces items featuring artwork from children submitted by their parents. They are an industrial design graduate and a founder of MyDesignMade and inspired by children’s creativity and product stationary and art prints and work with schools and toddler groups which made it important to have a warm brand and in the products allow space around the artwork and give it a more professional look.

“Creativity consists of coming up with many ideas not just that one great idea” - Charles Thompson

For example with Christmas Trees how many techniques and media can be used to represent something and try out new ideas, don’t judge, appreciate difference, be open, appreciate difference, suspend disbelief and question. To live a create life we must lose our fear of being wrong and just have a go, play and be more childlike, explore, take time to look and question!

“no one ever discovered anything new by colouring inside the lines” - Thomas Vasquez

Be creative and lose your fear but this doesn’t mean you don’t need constraints,you can forget the rules, have courage, bend the rules, combine, break the rules and question, be creative with new rules. Break down where you hold back and just draw stuff go and do something different and use different tools and materials.

Basic Portrait Lighting Techniques by Liz Douthwaite

Liz Douthwaite founded Elizabeth Douthwaite Photography which specialises in portraiture and spoke about the importance of light and lighting techniques.

Using available light be that artificial light, daylight or mix natural and artificial light, using more things to get better look and get the right light to create definition and knowing what is a flattering angle and get light to pick up nicer features. Use flash to remove or create shadows to add definition in a face and as little shadow on the face. Direct sunlight means squinting and shadows so don’t look directly at the sun and be aware of where shadows fall and look where light is shining on a subject.

Sunlight is to be celebrated, put sunglasses on someone or have them close their eyes if it is too bright as this can help. Sunlight as backlight it is best to avoid midday, sun behind object creates silhouette effect, meter light from your subject if possible. Sunlight as sidelight combine with flash to reduce the “dead eyes” effect this can create using fill in flash or allow flare can look great, play around an create different effects.

Positioning light – front light, reflected light by investing in a reflector or even something white or covered in tinfoil or even a mirror. Mirror and reflective surfaces and provide cheap available light from candles/fire, spotlights, torches or even TV – look around for light sources, find them and what direction they are coming from and check the subject is in a suitable position and check for shadows, also think about post processing when taking a picture.

Comics: Words + Pictures where Time = Space by Paul Thompson

Paul Thompson writes his own comics Tales of the Hollow Earth in his spare time and also is passionate about other comics and the techniques that go into creating them, the principles behind them.

Single Panels - these are a single point in time, but can be read from left to right, panels in comics represent a length of time. Two Panels – build a story around them and what happens in-between is usually implied and not shown, the reader fills in the gap themselves. However an arc requires three points with Story A + Story B with the arc being context, goals, conflict and resolution which is more normally a Four Panel strip in a newspaper with a three act story art structure.

Comic book styling applies more than to just comics as they are well suited to being just picked up and read such as in-flight safety guidelines and instructional documentation as people will read it and more likely pay attention and are a great format for something that is left lying around.

Time and space in comics is decided by the reader, they decide the pace a photograph is a single point in time whereas a panel is not, and techniques such as having panels extend to the edge of the page connect to bigger things, you can create a rhythm with consistent panels and colours and to be dramatic break that rhythm to have a much greater impact. The width of a panel indicates the length of time for that panel, also the perception of the world can be indicated by how the panels are arranged and what goes around them.

2011 in Review

Fri, 13 Jan 2012 07:30:00 -0500

I’ve done something like this here before, but a more compact version is probably needed - inspired by James Rutherfords year in review a little, I thought I’d do the same and summarise everything up to the start of this year in one post, and keep it short!

Work

2011 marked a change for me in work as for the past few years I’d been working part-time for GreenMetropolis and was happy with that and doing my own thing the other days, some coding or getting out and about but otherwise a short week. I’d been going to SuperMondays a lot and at one I caught up with Paul Rawlings from ScreenReach, a company I’d remembered from a previous event when it was part of the Difference Engine and was interested in it back then and was a chance to see the progress they had made.

I was talking about my Windows Phone apps in the pub afterwards and he mentioned they were interested in taking on a developer so I said I would come in for a meeting the next day and they said they were interested and if I could come in from the following week, so I did at that point I was working full time again for the first time in a few years so was tricky to get used to again but enjoyed the challenge and the team was growing so seemed a good time to join!

After a few months I started working there more from three days a week to four days a week, until at the end of the year I said I would be going full time in 2012 for ScreenReach - was a tough decision to make as is a small team at GreenMetropolis who I got to know well, but this was an opportunity I couldn’t turn down - had been asked a few times before.

Events

At the start of the year I’d been going to the same events as always such as SuperMondays and NEBytes with a couple extra now and then like DIBI conference - however around the time I started working for ScreenReach I started to get out more and more, and also took an interest in the Ignite100 programme which was similar to what ScreenReach had gone through and also went to more things like new groups like DesignInterests and also eventually joined Codeworks and attended a couple of their events including The PUD and also went to a few other things like the Windows Phone Camp in Edinburgh.

In the latter months I was going to more and more things and at one point, which I’ve mentioned went to four events in one week from ScreenReach Christmas Party, to ShareMyPlayLists Party and a few others - that was an epic week for me event wise but found these events really enjoyable and events had really been the only thing I had been going to, so from one or two events per month, to going to one or two a week it was a changable year for me!

Personal

The past few years have been pretty much the same except for the number of events I’ve been attending has steadily increased, I found myself wanting to get out more and more and felt my whole outlook on life was starting to change around September time I really started to notice this that I was thinking about a lot of things and also had a new job so was really in an odd place really, but it was around October/November things went wrong for me, I’d not had any major issues in my life and any I had were resolved after a short amount of time and even a relationship breakup I’d had didn’t seem to rule my life for long - but something happened and things really got to me in a way that had never happened before, this is the mistake I made that I’ve made numerous references to, and didn’t deal with a situation in the right way that never should have occured but it started to dominate me over the latter weeks and months of the year and was becoming more and more of a problem.

I’d let all the things I hadn’t deal with come back to the present and started to get really lost in the situation I was in and needed some help, I’d started Tweeting and posting on Facebook which raised some concerns from people who knew me and know I’m not normally that open, even though the issue itself was never stated and was glad to have the messages of support, the problem also made me focus on myself and got even more down and depressed about things but talking about it really helped but at the end of the year I was in a really dark place, which in retrospect seems difficult to believe I’d let things get that far.

Looking Ahead

Even though this is a review of 2011 it seems only prudent to look ahead to this year - I’m going to be at ScreenReach full time, I’ve been able to put the problems and mistakes I’ve made behind me and now I’ve dealt with many things I’d avoided facing I feel really optimistic about this year and some of the blog posts and Facebook posts I’d done before don’t really reflect how I feel now but will keep them around as a reminder that I can’t let that happen again - I know there’s people I can depend on and I know I can resolve things a lot better.

I’m more confident than I’ve ever been, this year so far I’ve already got out more than previous weeks and really making some big changes in my life and also realise there are things that were missing from my life that I hadn’t realised before so this year I’m hoping to change things for myself in a big way.

The thing I think will most benefit my life is being more positive and content at the moment and spending time with others more often.

I feel positive generally and I’m willing to put the work in and put my focus into my work and personal life this year and by having a positive experience in both I think I’ll be a lot happier.

Moving on

Thu, 12 Jan 2012 07:17:50 -0500

I’ve been able to put all the things that have happened behind me and have learned a valuable lesson which is I can’t let things escalate and try to deal with things on my own all the time - sometimes it helps to chat with someone or get out and have a clear head about things. I had some great advice from various people in the past few weeks and finally reached the stage where I think I can move on from where I was - even to the point of realising I’d just let things go too far and it wasn’t necessary.

It’s time to make a new start I think and try new things, but also realise there are things I can’t do anymore either - but the main thing is to look at the positive instead of focusing on the negative, and that is something I’m finding easier and easier every day - I’ve not been so down before and can see where I’d went wrong, I’d let some things I hadn’t dealt with from the past catch up with me - I’d supressed a lot of things and forgot all the good times I’ve had and this is giving me a lot of strength and new found confidence - I feel like I could achieve anything I put my mind to and that’s a major change.

I have managed to get out more and have been invited to more events and just gone out somewhere and found I don’t need to do that all the time, just needed to realise what is important in life and focus on that - I’ve got my work life pretty much sorted and there are even more choices there if I did want a change, but my personal life has been neglected for too long, I’m enjoying getting out more but aren’t overdoing it, just taking things easy and making sure I don’t miss any opportunities.

There’s a few things I have in mind to help in this area, some of which I’ve done already and others I’ve just put into practice and hopefully will be able to take advantage of the things I have gained recently - I don’t think there is a better time to make a really big change in my life and that’s basically what I’m doing, hopefully will be able to be more focused and positive in future and add the things that have been missing from my life for too long and in that way I will be moving on.

We can rebuild him - we have the technology

Wed, 11 Jan 2012 03:41:30 -0500

With all that’s gone on recently it’s a time to take stock on what has happened and realise I had let things get too bad before getting help, and not realising that help was available until it was too late. I’m feeling a lot more balanced and positive, more so than before - I don’t think I’m quite the same as I was a few months ago, which isn’t a bad thing, I’m talking the positive route and getting things back on track.

That seems to be the theme of my blog posts which have gone from depressing statements of lack of self worth and just a general sense of giving up to being more positive and realising there is good in every situation, even in the darkest hour then can be hope and there are things to be worried about but also things not to be, and the only way you can change things, is to change things.

I’m always hoping someone will swoop down and make all the choices for me, not a higher power don’t believe in that but just someone to show me the way - but this isn’t realistic and anyway that person does exist - it’s me. I can let things really get to me if I let them and go further than rock bottom if I let things get bad, yet before then I had no issues to complain about and a seemingly normal life with nothing exciting, interesting or depressing going on and now I’ve come through what has been the darkest period in my life I feel stronger and more determined to make that difference myself.

I’ve not had a hard life, good home life and no major problems with family but outside of that there have been issues which robbed me of my confidence and became very quiet and reserved as a person, but in the last few years I’ve been going to events and been more outgoing than I ever was but recent problems put me all the way back and further, to then come out the other side of this even stronger and more willing to change things for the better has suprised me and realise that you can only go down as far as rock bottom and the only way is up from there - any further down there is no return.

It’s thanks to this blog, Facebook and Twitter I’ve really found my voice and these allowed me to see the help that was there and also ask for help without asking for it directly as I couldn’t do this and also share my problem without sharing it directly - this has been a great help to me, probably been a bit too open about myself but I don’t regret anything I’ve posted sometimes it reads back a little grim - but they were written in that context.

It’s only now that I realise what I have and what I’ve really been missing out on and remember the thing that really gave me a purpose to do better and be better and that was forming a relationship with someone, and to care for and be cared by them - I’d forgotton how special it was to be with someone and it was this that I’d not dealt with so I started to make mistakes and cause problems for myself as I had no one who I could be there for me, and I for them.

I remembered all the times when you just being with someone made you feel special and even though it didn’t work out - didn’t deal with that issue very well either, the good times got lost with the bad ones and I remember fondly the good experiences now but still accept it’s over it was a long time ago, but gain strength that I did do it once before and can do it again if I find the right person - with the problems I’ve had recently it made me take a long look at what was in my life and all there seemed to be was work and some level of a social life (which I love) which is going to events but that something was missing and that is what has become apparent and I feel a lot happier now that I’ve recognised this, it is something I’d started to realise but the recent issues got in the way, now I’m dealing with those this has come up again, but instead of feeling down about it, I’m feeling optimistic instead.

It is this optimism that seems to have made it a lot easier to deal with things and not being unrealistic - I can’t meet someone just because I want it to happen - it has to happen naturally, there are ways I can increase my chances like being more sociable, getting to know new people and I’m more confident than I’ve ever been and can talk to anyone - once I pluck up the courage to do so, I find it very easy to talk to anyone once I’ve got over that initial barrier.

Nothing and no-one will make this happen more than myself and I’m doing everything I can think of, but sometimes I need a little help and advice and hopefully I can call upon the help I’ve had to be a positive in my life, rather than resolve a negative. I’m not desperate either, I’m patient enough to allow things to take their natural course - there are going to be milestone events in the next few months that will take there toll such as Valentines Day and my birthday when being single will probably hit me those days - but I try not to think about them that way and they’ll pass without me lapsing back into dispair and that will be another positive and you have to have some ambition whether it be in your work or otherwise what better personal goal can someone have that to find someone else to share your and their life with - and if or when that happens I’ll be glad to look back and see how far I’ve come in the days, months or years that have passed.

I’ve achieved many goals in the past I’ve put my mind too, be that pursing a new career opportunity, going out to more events, dealing with issues so I’m hopeful by making my focus a simple one in theory but not in practice and I already feel a lot better, that admitting this is the source of my problems and it wasn’t the negative like “I don’t want to be single anymore” but the positive “I’d like to meet someone and add something to my life” which I should be focussing on instead, and in focusing on the positive a little more and dealing with the negative a little better then maybe I can make this step in my life and if it doesn’t happen then I’ve at least tried and it is better to try and fail then not to try at all, the rewards outway the loss, even if things don’t work out at first one can always move on, learn the lesson and try again. To quote the Six Million Dollar Man - “we can rebuild him - we have the technology” which aptly fits my sitation having been saved by Twitter, Facebook and also the personal touch of friends and colleagues willing to help and support me.

Getting to know people a little better

Tue, 10 Jan 2012 03:25:40 -0500

In this new year I’ll be working full time at my new job at ScreenReach - I’ve mentioned this before so there’s the other side of this which getting to know the new people I work with - I’ve been a bit distracted recently and realise I’ve reglected to get to know people better than I do, which I find I’m quite interested in what other people are doing and what’s going on in their lives - others have been interested in me, so it is fair that I do the same for others, which I’ve found I’ve been quite happy to do.

This helps me feel more invested in the people around me, I find I care a lot more about what people are doing that I used to, this is a recent change for me and I find I get a lot from knowing people around me a little better as I’m good at remembering facts and this can be helpful when relating to other people and also take a great interest in what is happening with them.

I don’t need to know every facet of someone but helps that I know more than I tend to, and show that I’m interested in what other people are up to - it isn’t just about me all the time, nor should it be. I do get to know people quite well but have been neglecting this of late and sometimes this makes me feel a little out of the loop with regards to what is going on generally.

When working in a small team as I have been this is a little easier, when it was about myself I had little to talk about except what things were going on, films, TV shows etc. but nothing about myself personally - until recently. However by moving to a larger team with even more people to know about, I find myself at a disadvantage and I did for a long time consider myself a bit of an outsider - even though that wasn’t the case and I’m made to feel welcome and part of the team and in work it is a great working environment and company to work for but because I’ve neglected my personal life for so long, it’s like there is nothing in my life but work and the events I’ve been attending with nothing inbetween.

I haven’t gone out socially as much as I should have been and now I feel I’m in better position now to get myself sorted by writing these posts, tweeting and posting on facebook my thoughts have really helped as have the feedback and thoughts I’ve had from others, but I’ve missed out on this so long I’d forgotton it was missing and now with the recent events in my life I feel I miss these things and want them to part of my life now but it sometimes feels like it is too late and I’ve already missed out.

I sometimes I’m surprised what I learn about people and realise I don’t know them that well or there something thats going on with them I was oblivous too - recently I’ve been pretty transparent and regret I can’t seem to return this as much as I’d like in friendship with others or just hanging out with people a lot more.

People always need others to help them, I’ve got that to some extent and in some ways always had that but didn’t know but just going out with friends or doing anything other than going to the events I’ve been going to is something I haven’t been doing at all and really hope I can start doing this and getting to know people a little better.

Things to do, people to see

Mon, 09 Jan 2012 07:00:17 -0500

The past couple of years I’d started to go out more and went to SuperMondays at first - just one event a month, then when NEBytes started I went to that too, it was only two years ago I went to my first paid conference which was DIBI and really enjoyed it which I attended the following year and will attend this year.

I’d also in the past few months gone to more events such as Ignite100, and Codeworks ones I’ve mentioned before and at one point before Christmas I went out every day in a week (except the Tuesday was a bit ill from the Monday) and I really enjoy catching up with the regulars there and they were the only people I’d get to meet outside of work, so it has been a great chance to meet new people that I sometimes forget I didn’t have before I started to go out more.

I’ve got to the point now when I really like going out - I used to be the total opposite and despite a few issues recently this hasn’t changed, in fact I’m all the more determined to get out more, even if I’m not entirely sure how I can do this beyond what I’d already been doing the previous years, but nothing will change if I don’t change and I’ve said I will do so this year - I don’t like the way I was before and when I’m in now I don’t want to be.

There are things to do, people to see and that’s a good thing - this is another issue though that I hadn’t gone out for so long I didn’t know how to anymore, it isn’t that difficult for me to go out to any event, even if it is where I might not know anyone - been to Manchester, London, Birmingham etc to events on my own no problem but can’t just pop to the pub round the corner on my own - unstructured events still are a big barrier for me, that’s why I’ve been asking for what I can do and where to go as I’m comfortable with that, but I would go out just don’t know where and even a few ideas and suggestions rather than a specific motivation might be all I need to go and try something new.

I was so shy in the past and hated speaking to new people and got nervous around others - but I’ve not really been like that for years and I can still suprise myself and others how far I can go, but I’ve made a few mistakes recently that have knocked my confidence a little but I still want to push and just need that extra motivation if it’s just going out for drinks or whatever I’m up for it so if you don’t mind me coming then let me know and if I’m available (which is very likely) I’ll come along - that’s what I need more than anything else at the moment.

Getting out more and being realistic

Sun, 08 Jan 2012 09:38:09 -0500

As a more general part of improving myself this year I’ve realised I’ve not been getting out much - which is probably why I’ve had such a hard time of late, and not been dealing with things the right way. I’ve always been a bit of a loner, not really talking to people - this has improved a little in the past couple of years due to the number of events I attend but in the past few weeks I’d gone to more and more events and really liked it - probably over did it a little bit too much in December but found myself again.

However my main problem is I don’t know what to do - I’ve asked people for ideas as I don’t know what to do and they’re great ideas, ones I never would have had myself, when you are a student it is easy to get out, you just go to the Student’s Union or can see people all the time, however when you work and you’re my age - then what do you do, you can go with work colleagues, but you see them all the time anyway, this does help increase going out - but it isn’t meeting new people, which is something I need to do.

Going to the cinema or theatre sounds OK - I’ve done this many times before, although not recently - even got myself to the Baltic to see the Turner Prize, although that was on my own, I used to like going to places on my own - but now I would like someone to share this with, even if it is friends - I don’t have many of those, have lost touch with a lot of people I knew and only have a couple of old school friends, of which I’d only got back in touch with recently.

As I’ve said before I do talk to people at the events I go to anyway and will continue to do so, but the opportunities to meet anyone new are few and far between, however joining Codeworks has been a great idea and wished I’d done it sooner - there was a whole group of people I’d never seen before, or some I’d not seen for years, and that’s great.

I’m not that confident and don’t really know how to get out more anyway, meeting new people will be impossible, especially finding that someone special - that will be even more difficult if I don’t even get out at all. I do see a lot of people in their 20s having a great time and wished I’d done so at that age, and a part of me feels it might be too late to do this and maybe I should just diminish and accept this is they way it is going to be for me for the rest of my life - but I can’t do it anymore, I don’t want to be like this anymore but also don’t know how to change.

However I’ve taken my first steps two achieve this goal by going to new groups and even got myself out last night on my own for the first time in a long while and found it’s not the number of times you go out but where and who you spent that time with is what seems to matter - and I have met some new people recently and got a lot of useful advise from others and find there’s not only help in a crisis but also just something to do or people to do it with - in fact this post was written before today and I feel differently enough to add this extra section to show that things are changing quicker than I expected, but am starting to be more happy with the way things are and feel more centred and really there is just one simple goal I hope to achieve after all - that’s to meet someone I can spend time with and likes spending time with me maybe I’ll meet her tomorrow or next month, or many months from now but I think this is what I need and probably wouldn’t have got so lost recently had this been the case - but I have friends and colleagues to help me in a way I never knew before and I’m being more realistic in the fact I just won’t meet someone and that there’s no guarantee of success, but it’s worth trying and the rewards for doing so are greater than doing nothing.

I’ve dealt with a lot of things recently which I think prepares me better for any lack of success in this area and deal with rejection, mistakes better and maybe all of this will be more valuable than I realise - I seemed to focus on the negative too much and tried to overcompensate by making things worse for myself. Seeing the positive is starting to become a little easier for me and actually find myself enjoying things more than I did before and don’t feel as down, I’ve still got a long way ahead of me and there’s no quick fix - I’ve made a lot of progress in a short period of time and think I’m ready for this new challenge which simply starts with getting out more and being realistic.

Phodows.com

Sat, 07 Jan 2012 10:17:00 -0500

Well this is the official announcement of a new project coming from me a brand new website dedicated to Windows Phone - including new and updated tutorials, features and articles about the platform, as well as information and features on apps, games and development of the platform.

Look out for this website coming soon later this year - also as as part of the launch will be doing exclusive features such as showing the development of updates to GameCardr and ZuneCardr as well as new applications in development and more, giving an insight into this new platform, with new hardware partners on board every month and new handsets appearing more often there is lot to catch up with with Windows Phone and this will be my way of giving back to the Windows Phone community as well as introducing new people to the platform.

Also I welcome any feedback and will give further details on this blog about the website, the design and development as well as exclusive behind-the-scenes information about the creation of this new website and what goes into creating it.