Finding the right balance

As I’m I near the month where are the start I hit my lowest point I think ever, I’m more positive and find I’m still wanting to do something more but not over do things, for example this week I haven’t gone out really at all, except to NEBytes on Wednesday but went home straight afterwards so a kind-of back to normal week for me, but still miss the chance to go out at least once, which is why I’m going out tonight but again alone it seems - I don’t really like that, formal events are still my thing but I cannot stop the compulsion to at least do something socially at least once.

Wish I’d been this way when I was younger - most of the people I know are in their mid-twenties, when I was that age I didn’t even go out to events at all, just went out a couple of times a year, if that. I’m not like that now, but I’m older now and sometimes feel that things have passed me by, but the main thing is to find the right balance - I’m trying new things, going to new places and meeting new people like I want - but I still like to find new things to do and when I’m going out along I still find it tough to go up to people and talk to them, not really sure what to do, although if someone talks to me first I find that very easy, whereas a few years ago I wouldn’t even do that.

I find I used to like being on my own and not really do much at all, just stay in - now I find I don’t like doing that now, I can still stay in if I’ve been out somewhere but I really miss being with other people, even friends - I don’t know why I let that happen, I’ve lost so much time and things I’ve enjoyed doing recently I’ve managed to mess that up too, so feel I’ve regained a lot of what I’ve lost, but still feel like I’m outside looking in, but when I’m involved in a group or something like that I don’t feel that way at all - it’s just getting over that initial hurdle that is still a challenge for me.

The last few months have been interesting and a challenge, but even before then I was starting to change the way I act and now I don’t think the same way about things at all, I’d have avoided any kind of social situation now I look forward to them and are even dissapointed when they don’t happen - but still find it ok not going out too often, as long as when I do go out, it isn’t to be alone, even in a crowd.